Above is a picture of Dinora, a woman that has absolutely moved me beyond any word describable. Her story has brought tears to my eyes. Seeing what it is like for a mother facing what Dinora is now forced to face., I can’t help but think about my past. I have been on the other side, watching my mom slowly be taken over by a disease, but never in my 18 years since losing her, did I ever stop to see the events unfold from my mom’s perspective as she faced the inevitable.
I do not know Dinora personally, but when I step out to run tomorrow’s long 17 miles, her life and story will be weighing heavily on my mind, fueling me with the motivation needed to finish the training. We all have a tendency to go through a day complaining about the reasons why that day may have been so hard, or not gone our way. Below I have posted the words that Dinora wrote that moved me so tremendously. Please read, and following the reading, stop and ask yourself if the complaints are really worth wasting our precious breathes on.
Life fighting cancer is generally two steps forward, one back. Sometimes it’s two forward, 1,000 steps back…that’s where we are now. Last week I began having some headaches—the short of it is that the cancer has spread to the base of my neck, to the nerves leading to my ears, and in the lining of my brain. Wow…you have to give credit to such awful cells that are capable of working around chemo and still paving new paths of destruction. This setback is, well, more than that. My doctors have given me 6-12 months unless God grants me a miracle (which we’d love, of course!).6-12 months
How do you wrap your head around that? Between dwelling on it and sometimes avoiding it; it’s an impossible thing to think about.As a wife, my heart breaks for my high school sweetheart who will soon navigate life as a single dad BUT he does have a Superman cape under his t-shirts and I know he’ll do an amazing job with Ethan and Asher. God knew what he was doing all those years with Mr Varsity Tennis Champ and Little Ole Freshman Tennis Team me. As a mommy to my 7 & almost 11-year old boys, it’s against my very nature of protecting them and never causing them pain to put them through this. Ethan understands the time frame, Ash is too young to fully grasp it so he’s protected. They both see a mommy who’s weak, tired, and lost a lot of weight but I remind them of the mommy who rode a bazillion rollercoasters at Disney, loved Sea World, the beach, took them for slurpees and Mexican sweetbread after school, and cheered LOUDLY at countless baseball games. I’m their biggest fan! These are the memories I want them to keep tucked in their hearts.I don’t know why God chose this path for me but as I’ve told our boys, this world is broken and comes with lots of hurts. It won’t be whole until Jesus reclaims it. It’s unimaginable to me that I won’t be here walking next to my boys, but trust that I’ll be watching them from my Heavenly Father’s side. This girl cannot miss a baseball game!
For now, we will try one last chemo option that will merely keep bad symptoms at bay for a few months and allow me to hopefully enjoy that time as fully as I can with my 3 boys. I know each day I have to pour into them is a great privilege…the beautiful privilege of being a mommy and a wife. What a beautiful blessing! Hugs, DPS. See you Sunday at the DN5K Run! Just know I’ll be the girl wiping her eyes with tissues. ”